10 TV-Inspired Beer Names We Wish Existed (& 10 That Actually Do)
Apr 29, 2019
To say that I watch a lot of TV would be an understatement.
I work from home, so there's almost always a show streaming in the background while I check things off of my to-do list.
My husband and I both love the same types of TV shows, too — which means we tend to re-watch the same series over and over again, in a cycle. That cycle typically goes: Friends, The Office, Parks & Recreation, New Girl, Scrubs. Lather, rinse, repeat.
This also means that we tend to communicate in quotes from those TV shows. I can thrust my hand out to him and say, "Money, pweeeease!" like I'm Mona Lisa Saperstein, and he won't bat an eye. He frequently asks me, "How you doin'?" a la Joey Tribbiani. You get the picture.
Recently, we were out grabbing beers at a brewery in Richmond, VA and started talking about beers we'd love to name using some of our favorite quotes from these TV shows.
To all our brewery pals: if you decide to steal one of these giggle-worthy names, just send me a case or two and we'll call it even.
Before you ask: yes, I checked Untappd to confirm that there's no recorded instance of the following names being used (so far) for beers in existence. And yes, I realize that I over-use alliteration, and I'm okay with it.
1. "We Were on a Break" Breakfast Stout
Sip on this breakfast stout and remind the Ross in your life that it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal.
2. "Pills, Baby" Pilsner
Channel Jean-Ralphio Saperstein and pay for your pilsner with money you made the old-fashioned way — you got run over by a Lexusssss!
3. "Prank Sinatra" Pale Ale
Drink a few of these so you'll have the courage to pull a Winston Bishop and put a feather in someone's shoe, play the Cotton-Eyed Joe at an inappropriate moment, or release a badger in the air ducts. (Maybe not that last one.)
4. "Guy Love" Gose
Like Turk and JD croon in My Musical, "It's guy love. Don't compromise the feeling of some other guy holding up your heart into the sky."
5. "How the Turntables..." Tripel
Well, well, well. One our favorite botched Michael Scott phrases, along with the time he said "the business world is a doggy-dog world" and described wine as having an "oaky afterbirth."
6. "Smelly Cat" Saison
You may not be a bed of roses, and you're no friend to those with noses — but you can certainly sling back a few of these beers in honor of Phoebe Buffay.
7. "I Am Beyoncé Always" IPA
The perfect hoppy brew to sip before heading to a high school baseball game to shake hands with the coach, AKA husband of the woman you're sleeping with. Oh, wait...
8. "Turtle Face" Tripel
Face it: we all know a Nick Miller who makes a turtle face. If you can't think of someone you know who fits that description, it's probably you. Instead of drinking this beer, maybe take some vitamins?
9. "I'm Janet Snakehole" Sour
Ideally, you won't switch from this sour beer to Snake Juice shots, but you never know where the night will take you.
10. "Eaaaagleeee!" ESB
Best enjoyed before or after hopping on your best friend's back and running around like fools in love. Sorry, fools in guy love.
And now, a few of the TV-inspired brews I found when doing research for this blog post that are now on my beer bucket list:
- Justice Beaver, a Northeast-Style DIPA by Track 7 Brewing Company in Sacramento, CA
- Transponster, an IPA by Petskull Brewing in Manitowoc, WI
- The Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show, a Triple IPA by Turning Point Beer in Bedford, TX
- I Like Pretzel Day, a Stout by New Holland Brewing in Holland, MI
- Who's That Girl, a Saison by Middle Brow Beer Co. in Chicago, IL
- Waffles, Friends, Work, a Brown Ale by Conquest Brewing Company in Columbia, SC
- A Little Stitious, a NE IPA by Publius Ale Company in Wylie, TX
- How You Doin'?, an American Wild Ale by Eclipse Brewing in Merchantville, NJ
- Treat Yo'Self, a Fruited Sour by Witch's Hat Brewing Co. in South Lyon, MI
- That's What She Said, a Milk Stout by Tree House Brewing Company in Charlton, MA
See, wouldn't you totally order one of those beers if you saw them on the tap list at a brewery near you? Samesies.
In the words of April Ludgate, "Alcohol is fun and delicious." Let's go get some beers, y'all.